Time runs by, and suddenly I have this feeling that I need to chase it. I look back at my life and I wonder: what have I accomplished so far? I have accomplished a lot and I do feel proud of most things I have accomplished up till now. Yet, while I count I notice that most things I have done thus far were simply to satisfy others, many goals I wanted to reach were out of reach simply because it was not on the schedule …

And yet when I say things like that I regret them very fast, because I know that during my whole life I was not forced to do anything. But it takes me back to an article I wrote some time ago on being crushed under the expectations of the community and family.

I think that at this stage I realize that I submitted to the expectations of others. I did many things I never wanted to do, or thought of doing, simply to satisfy the dictated standards on how things should be done. And now I find myself lost once again, like a teenager, in an endless sea of unrealistic thoughts and dreams, lost once again, without goals, with no directions…

Where did I wonder?

Once I thought that I am a conscious person who knows his thoughts and feelings well – who can analyze himself and know why how and where…

Maybe I told myself once, let it be, make them happy and proud, and then I have sacrificed my dreams for theirs, my way for their path.

Maybe I did it all for them, I started a journey I could no longer complete and I got stuck in this tight leaking boat in the middle of calm endless water – lost in the middle of nowhere, heading nowhere, knowing nothing, seeing no one…

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