They sing about love, how hard it is, how sweet it is, how painful it is…
It’s all bull. I doubt that anything of what they define as love in 90% of these songs is close to the real thing. Smart as anyone can be, wisdom will always have the upper hand. I admit, that my last true love experience had taught me a lot about love, defined it, and portrayed all its different aspects.  Yet, this same experience had made it truly difficult for me to find new love.

 

Once, before my past, long, experience everything was simple; I saw a girl I like, express myself, go out on a few dates, fall in “love” or leave as friends. Expectations as well as demands were simple and fairly shallow (you can imagine). But, now it’s more complicated – too complicated maybe, and the fairly shallow love has turned unattractive.

It has become hard for me to find someone who fit the new standard, someone who is willing to take things step by step forward and not get stuck in that shallow stage. I have to say that the shallow stage is an important, probably compulsory, part of the whole process, but getting stuck with it all the way is like opening a bottle of wine only to suck on the cork.

True love is not as much painful as it is hard to find. Like good wine, if you keep drinking you will always feel the good stuff filling your head, the moment you decide to stop that hideous pain hits.

At this stage I feel as if I am throwing stones in the sea hoping to hit a fish. I wish I knew a better way to do things, friends around are not as much as helpful as I hoped they would, and loneliness is not a good companion.

Ghosts of the past keep haunting me, and I know that only new true love can pull me out of this pit I am in right now.